Through These Eyes
by SarinSyn
Summary: Heero has left Duo for Relena...but has he realized his mistake too late? Has Duo forever retreated into his own past, and the drug infested streets of L2? Or can Heero still save him before Duo's habbit gets out of control? (one shot, yaoi warning)


Okay, depressing but happy ending. Sorry for so long since I've updated my fics thing, but I haven't had time to write lately. Standard disclaimers apply. I don't own G-boys or any thereof. I hope you all love it!!!! The song "Through these Eyes" is by Spread Eagle, one of the best 80's hair bands ever. Some things might be a bit messed up, because this was a rough draft. C&C. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
//Through these eyes and through the years  
Love's passed by and left me here\\  
  
Duo couldn't help but clench his fists as he watched Heero Yuy walk down the aisle way, approaching the stand with a look of total sparkle in his cobalt orbs, slowly making his way down till he stopped at the front before the preacher, awaiting his bride. Usually messy brown hair was gelled straight and combed back smooth, exposing the beautiful face like nothing else ever could, showing the angelic, smooth features as they brightened when the bride began the trek after him.  
  
Relena Dorlain.  
  
Duo clenched his fists tighter, feeling blood form on his hands, but he stayed calm even when he came to a stop next to Heero, his ex-lovers best man at a wedding Duo would rather have burnt himself and the damn thing down then having been forced to attend. But there he was, and the processions were occurring as if he were in slow motion, passing by with the words sounding like something out of a Charlie Brown cartoon, his movements feeling as if it were being slowed by some sort sludge. He produced the ring, and Heero placed it on Relena's gloved hand, said his vows in that smooth voice that had only a year before whispered the same eternal promises of love in his ear, then Relena said her vows, and the two kissed.  
  
Duo left immediately afterwards, slipping out to get drunk at a bar and go home to throw up for the next two days.  
  
//You're so far away  
And time's brought on a change\\  
  
Heero couldn't stand the cynical look in Duo's eyes as he watched him walk into the Preventers headquarters, having to turn his face away to keep that look from piercing into his soul. Biting his lip, he looked up at Sally and gave her a hint of a smile to cover up the turmoil in his soul. How could he have married Relena? It was in the mind of everyone who even had some inkling of knowledge about him, for even though he and the queen of the world had been married for a year and a half now, they had all noticed Heero's prolonged looks at the braided angel, and all remembered the relationship that had been so strong nearly three years ago?  
  
"I'll see you when I see you, Sally," Duo said, walking by, box of belongings held in his hand and eyes sunken back. Heero spun around, looking to the braided boy with concern on his face. Duo had barely spoken to him since the wedding.   
  
"Duo, where are you going?" he demanded in a voice harsher than he had expected it too. Even with the accusing violet eyes watching him 24-7, Heero had found comfort in the merest presence of Duo. But now... Duo didn't even pay attention to him as he pushed out of their sectors doors, walking down the hallway and seeming to fade into the shadows.  
  
"You didn't hear? He failed his drug test," Sally said quietly. "He wasn't willing to go through rehab." Heero's eyes turned to Sally, brows drawn together. He knew why Duo had gone back to drugs. And suddenly, he realized how stupid he had been.  
  
//Through these eyes that never see  
Photographs of you and me  
A perfect picture  
Of what could never be.\\  
  
Duo finished packing his things into the few boxes he needed and shipping them to his new home away from everyone, the rest of the stuff going to Goodwill and trash. One pile was made primarily of photographs and paintings that Duo had done from years and years ago, all going to the trashcan where he would start a fire with them later that night for the bums in the alley. They would burn well, for the best paints were usually flammable.   
  
Lifting one of the photos from its prophetic grave soon to be lit like the fires of Empyrean, he studied the images upon it with a close, if not thoughtful eye that a professor might. Two forms, curled against one another, asleep. Chestnut hair draped over a strong chest and a strong, pale arm slung around the American's body, holding him close in sleep. Hips hidden barely by covers tangled around the waist, and a Japanese face, eyes closed, asleep, head turned to bury into the hair with his own dark brown locks falling sweetly over his forehead. Both bodies, clinging, holding, after a night of sharing and love.   
  
Duo clenched his teeth as tears started to course down his face again. How could such a thing happen? Only days later, after that amazing night, Heero had walked away from him, left in the room they had shared, leaving him for good at Quatre's mansion, sitting on his knees and sobbing as the Japanese man went off and asked Relena to marry him. How could it go from something so perfect with whispered words of affection to...to a never ending hell?  
  
He tore the picture in half, stabbed his beautiful paintings of he and Heero in an idealistic future, shredding them before grabbing his last suitcase and running out of the house. Tears fell down his face as he jumped into the taxi, never noticing a cobalt eyed boy he had pushed past.  
  
//God in Heaven  
Don't waste your time or teas on me  
Cause I'm too far gone  
I don't need sympathy\\  
  
"He never said anything about failing the drug test or leaving," Quatre said quietly, walking around the now empty apartment that Duo had moved into after the sudden break up. Heero stood in the middle of the room, staring at the pile of photos and paintings that the American had saved, soon to be taken out by the landlord to the burning pile. Dropping to his knees without saying a word, he lifted the shreds of one canvas, a picture that had been his favorite, the paper made heavy by paint, tears, and shattered dreams. He held the shreds in his hands of what had been he and Duo making love under a waterfall, inspired by an actual event, and he felt his tears join the painted water.  
  
"He didn't want sympathy," Heero whispered. "He wanted to go away without being convinced otherwise." Wiping the dishonorable tears on his face with his sleeve, he rummaged through, picking out the pictures and pieces of paintings that could still be salvaged, as if he were attempting to piece back together the past.  
  
"Won't he call?" All eyes of the other ex-pilots were on him, and Heero could feel their curious gaze, wondering once more what he was thinking, what was going on in his head so filled with unnoticeable motives.  
  
"No...he doesn't think he's worthy..." his voice was quiet for a moment, and as if giving up, he tossed down the pictures. "Damn it! It's my fault...I...I never should have left him...never should have..." He grabbed his face, barely noticing as the others left, Quatre the only one remaining behind to take him into his arms and rock him gently.  
  
//This cold world turns again  
I drown my self in sin  
Sinking deeper now  
The lights they grow so dim\\  
  
Duo stumbled against the wall, sliding down it slowly as his head swam. He was coming down from a major rush on speed, head swirling as he looked around and sniffed heavily. It was cold on L2, the temperature monitors still messed up and leaving the colony in horrible shape. Making little whimpering noise, he forced himself up to his feet and stumbled over to his bed, looking down at it with wide eyes. He had been buying different drugs left and right now, what started out as some marijuana here, some GHB there, had suddenly turned into a full-blown obsession after being kicked off of the Preventers. What else could he do? He had nothing to live for, stay sober for. Why not drown the pain and live short than wallow and live forever?  
  
He reached down, pulling his blanket up to expose a few bags of coke he had bought earlier that day, dropping to his knees before the bed and grabbing one bag greedily. Why try to live for something he could never have? He had nothing left. Nothing. Hours passed.   
  
The sun set on the colony, the dead light of the moon piercing through the windows and shining on a collapsed body.  
  
//Through these eyes all is black  
And it's too late for turning back  
I'll be leaving soon  
And time won't heal these wounds\\  
  
Months passed, and Duo didn't call. Heero's world became bleak, his relationship with Relena quickly deteriorating. Why had he married her in the first place? Because J had demanded it. Had forced him too. No, Heero had never been forced into anything, he had been told to do it. A mission, but for what? Not allowed to tell anybody...J's way of making him be what he wanted. But Heero wouldn't do it anymore. He wouldn't be the puppet.  
  
The divorce was quick. Heero wanted nothing, and he was out of the house in less than two days. Small rumors had come up from agents who had gone to look into drug infested areas in the fifth of L2-Duo's old home. They said they had seen him, strung out, eyes sunken in, track marks on his arm and too thin, getting into a car or standing around with a few people who looked to be whores. Sometimes if he saw them, he would slide into the shadows, other times he would stare at them boldly like an animal on a show down. He looked hungry, angry, with a gun in the back of his pants and a knife in his boot.  
  
And then the call came. Duo was in the hospital, and not expected to live long enough to come home.  
  
//God in Heaven  
Don't waste your time or tears on me  
Cause I'm too far gone  
I don't need your sympathy\\  
  
All he could see were the flashing lights, feel the injection into his arm and tubes forced down his stomach. What had happened? He had pulled the coke from under the covers, and...and...he couldn't remember...  
  
Something was being pulled out of his stomach, and then something else pumped back in, leaving him gagging and throwing up as his eyes rolled back. Yelling...numbing....he tried to turn his head away, to dislodge the tube in his throat and let himself die. That's what was happening, he was dying, he knew it, and he wanted to. He didn't want to live, didn't want to survive through this. Just let him die...let the pain go away....  
  
//Tell me why, tell me why  
I've been ripped apart and left here to die\\  
  
Duo's eyes fluttered open, but barely, the harsh morning light too bright to belong to the artificial dankness of L2. He gazed around, barely recognizing where he was, until he saw the sleeping form on the couch by the rather well taken care of hospital room. Quatre lay asleep in the early morning light, his head resting on Trowa's lap who was leaning comfortably against Wufei. A small moan broke past his lips, barely audible under his breath as he went to pull his hands up to his head...but found them strapped.  
  
His body ached, his stomach felt as if it had been torn into shreds. What seemed like only a few days ago he had been begging to die...but now...here he was.....  
  
"Duo...you're awake."  
  
//Crimes of love, Crimes of hate\\  
  
Duo almost leaped out of his skin when he heard that voice that he had been dying to hear for months now, and yet had wanted nothing more than to banish it from his mind. Slowly, as if afraid it would be true, he turned his head to look over to the speaker of that voice, lips pursing together as he saw that Heero was really there. The cobalt eyed boy looked tired, haggard, as if he had been through hell and back, but other than that he was unreadable...except to Duo, who saw his face like an open book. Needing, worried, praying, hoping, terrified. Heero, who was supposed to be calm, took Duo's IV'd hand into his, lightly caressing the fingers. Even if Duo had been able to pull his hand away, he wasn't too sure he would. While he hated Heero...he loved him...loved him more than anything...  
  
//It's not too late if you  
Take a look around you  
There's got to be an answer\\  
  
"Heero...what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be home with Relena?" Duo was surprised how rough his voice sounded, yet thankful with how steady it was. Heero seemed to wince at the words, his eyes showing that Duo had hit a sore spot. Reaching out with his other hand, he brushed the hair away from that smooth forehead, staring into the sunken eyes and thin face with concern and...no...Duo refused to believe it.  
  
"Relena and I got divorced," he said softly, playing lightly with the overly long, ragged bangs and stroking his fingers through his hair in a petting motion. Duo unconsciously moved into the caress, then caught himself and forced his head back to its regular spot. He wouldn't let Heero see how much he wanted him.  
  
"Why?" Duo wondered simply. Heero shook his head.  
  
"It doesn't matter...just...tell me something first...why did you try to kill yourself?" he demanded, and Duo stared blankly at him.  
  
"I did what?" The American's words were as stunned as his face. Heero watched him before un-strapping one hand and holding it up where his wrist could be seen. There were two fine lines, cutting precisely over the vein...and then Duo remembered. His face distorted before he turned it away, eyes closing. "I...it hurt too much...I didn't think there was anything else to do."  
  
"Duo, there always is...there's always something else to do...."  
  
//I ain't playin' your fool  
So give me what I'm after\\  
  
Heero touched his face, but Duo jerked away, reaching for the other wrist bind and trying to get himself out. The moment he was free, he reached for the IV, but Heero was too fast, pulling him up and slipping behind him, arms wrapping around him to pin his arms to his side. He held the boy like that back against his chest, leaving him immobile even as he attempted to struggle.  
  
"Heero! Let me go!" he sobbed loudly, waking the three others sleeping. Quatre sat up, rubbing his eyes and looking at the scene before him.  
  
"What's going on?" he wondered, standing up, Quatre and Trowa following yet staying where they were while the blond moved over.  
  
"He's trying to get out again and I won't let him go..." Heero growled, then looked up to the other three. "Can you leave? I need to talk to him." Duo tried to pull away, eyes desperately searching before resting on Trowa, his old best friend as he attempted to break the vise hold Heero had on him.  
  
"Trowa...Trowa help..." Trowa winced, then shook his head.   
  
"You need to talk to him, Duo...listen to him." Then Trowa motioned to the other two, and they were gone. Duo felt defeated, and soon, too tired to keep struggling, he collapsed against Heero. It was hard from the chestnut mained boy not to enjoy the hold the man had on him, and let his head loll to the side as his body naturally conformed to the others, complimenting it like the yen to the yang. Heero's arms tightened, but more in a comforting motion than a restraining.  
  
"I won't let you hurt me again, Heero...I can't go through that pain again..." Duo whispered weakly, violet orbs closing as tears pressed between closed lids to bead on his lashes. That strong chest stilled under him, and suddenly a shuddering breath was released from the chamber of his lungs, and Heero released one arm. He scavenged in his pocket a moment, before pulling out a piece of paper...a copy of the handwritten mission faxed to him years before by j. Shaking fingers held it out, and Duo slowly opened his eyes, as he was released, taking it into his hands and sitting up to read it.  
  
//When all I see is pain in a world full of lies  
I wish that I could never see a damn thing\\  
  
Duo read the paper, the orders to marry Relena, not to tell anybody else, to leave Duo...Duo had been helping to break Heero away from J's hold, and had almost accomplished it...but...tears fell down his cheeks, a sob escaping from his throat. It was J's handwriting, that son of a bitch! Fists clenching, he put his head against the paper before tossing it away from him.  
  
"All because of J...." he spun around as well as he could, feeling his empty stomach churn as he glared at Heero. "Because he said to jump....and what now, Heero? He told you that I could be your fuck toy again?" It was hard to stay angry, to yell at him, for Heero's cheeks were now streaked with tears as well, and slowly he shook his head, reaching out to try to take him into his hold again. Duo jerked away and Heero looked down with the expression of 'I should have expected that'.  
  
"No...I realized what I did...what a mistake I made," Heero said in a quiet, pained voice, his whisper barely audible. He reached up, wiping the tears from his eyes again. Before lifting his gaze to watch him. "I couldn't let myself be away from, Duo...I had to try..." shakes his head, at a loss for words. "I..." he sighed, forcing himself to continue talking. "When I got a call, saying you might be dead...I couldn't...I couldn't stand myself. I wanted to kill myself, throw up, torture myself, cry, yell, scream, but all I could do is stare...then I saw you...strung out...over dosed on drugs and slit wrists..." a sob ripped at Heero's throat, and he grabbed his head. "I wanted to die for doing that to you...I love you...I'm sorry, Duo...I'm so sorry..." Duo stared at him, watching him before moving forward to wrap his arms around him, holding him as tightly as his pained body would permit.  
  
Heero lifted himself, wrapping his arms around Duo and pulling him close to his body as he cried, cradling the all too skinny form as the two cried in relief and years of hidden pain in one another's arms.  
  
//Through these eyes...\\  
  
Duo curled against Heero, pictures of the pain their time apart had caused burning in the fire place before them, warming their bare bodies which lay upon the couch. They had married on Earth, in the cold of winter snow, the pure whiteness cleansing them of their sins and bringing them closer together. Now they held one another, the fire of love and forever reflecting in the depths of cobalt blue and violet, binding them for an eternity they would be glad to share.  
  
"Heero...I love you."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
  
  
1 


End file.
